avoidance...

I'm in my late 20's. It's only natural that I have an ex or two at this point, right? But there are ex's and then there's THE EX. The ex's are those guys that you dated for however long, grew apart, broke up and moved on.

But THE EX is the one that you actually planned to take to your family. The one that you considered marrying and even, just maybe having his babies. Never mind that before him you never considered yourself the marrying type and definitely never considered having kids. But there was something about him that made you re-think everything that you ever planned for your life. Like everything.

But then it ended. The why isn't really important. The end is the important part. Because when you're ready to change EVERYTHING about your life for one person, and then one day that person is gone, you realize that you can't ever go back to being the person that you were before.

So you cry a little. Or a lot. Yeah...you cry buckets. There is wine. Lots of wine. Comfort foods. Talk after talk after talk with your friends about the end. And then one day, you wake up, and you realize that it doesn't hurt so much anymore. You don't cry over things that remind you of THE EX. You smell his fave cologne, and you're still standing. See a picture of the two of you smiling, and you're still ok. But all those reminders, you don't seek them out. In fact, you make it a point to avoid them.

No sense in causing yourself unneccessary pain, right? I mean, you stub your toe and it hurts...not the same as a break, but you're more careful going around that corner where you usually stub your toe. Same thing with reminders of him.

So, then, you've got a plan. You move on with your life. Date a few other people. But then for whatever reason, you realize that you have to come face to face with THE EX. And even though some time has passed, you're not ready for that.

So, then what....? How do you deal when avoidance is no longer an option?

Comments

[Milo Naranjo]

That captured exactly how I dealt with a recent EX. I really needed to see this writing to remind myself of how I felt throughout this period of less than a year out. I was the narrator in your piece with the female lead the opposing EX. It was something I hoped to ignore and simply let the rebound after rebound amnesia sweep awat the renants that remind me. I don't think I will ever have a need to face-to-face her but I am glad you wrote this for so many to read.